...2013...

As I sit on my couch and fight the urge to change into my red union suit, I'm smiling to myself thinking about this past year.  I have so much and so many to be grateful for, I don't think about that enough.  I have so much to look back on fondly.  I learned so much about others and about myself.  Sure, I had some fuck ups along the way, who doesn't?  But overall, I can honestly say that 2013 is one of the years I've changed the most.

For starters, I decided to do something, I set my mind (and my body) to it and I followed through.  I went from living an unhealthy, lazy, downhill lifestyle to living the kind of life I'm proud of.  I stopped giving as much of a shit what other people thought of me, because guess what, it doesn't matter.  I set goals, I met goals.  I made a conscious decision to be the best version of myself I thought I could be.  I put my best foot forward.  I realized that I should never say I can't do something.

I made new friends, wonderful ones!  Ones that I traveled far to meet or found in my own backyard and lots that I hope to have in my life for a long long time.  I started to really believe that everyone gets brought into your life for a reason.  I try to look for that reason in everyone I meet.  Some are meant to teach you to laugh til you cry, some to love, some are meant to teach you to, "Not take things so fucking seriously!"  Some are meant to pass on what they've already learned, some are meant to teach you forgiveness or patience.  Some are meant to be that one stable thing when everything else seems to be crumbling around you.  All of which continue to teach me how to be a better person.

I gained confidence.  Something I may not have had very much of in years past.  Yeah ok, so it's not always 100%…ok fine, rarely, unless I'm drinking then that shit skyrockets.  But I learned that if I'm not confident in myself that not very many other people can do that for me.  I could try, but, "Hey mom, can you be confident for me?" probably won't do shit, no matter how adorable she is and how much she loves to help me.  I've learned that the phrase, "Fake it til you make it." applies to most everything in life.  I like to think I'm doing a little less fakin' and a little more makin' these days.

I've learned to worry less.  Yes, worry less!  I can't control everything, apparently I used to think I could and would get my panties all in a bunch when things didn't go my way.  That's not good for anyone though.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, less worrying, living in the moment.  Can't say it's ever been a strength of mine, I used to worry like hell even when I was a little kid!  But asking myself, "Can I actually control this?" and being able to say no and let go has been pretty damn amazing.  Can I control if someone's going to like me or show up on time or call me back or if everything will go as planned?  No, but I can do my part and sit back and have a drink and hope the rest comes together.

I can't wait to see what this next year brings.  New challenges, new lessons, new everythings.

Here are some of my favorite things from 2013 (in no particular order)

Derailed

You ever feel like your train of thought's been derailed?  Yeah that's right, I just quoted Travie McCoy.  And yeah, I feel like my train of thought's been derailed.  Lately I feel like there are a lot of moving parts in my life and I need to pick and choose which ones I put my time and effort into.  Sadly, this hasn't been one of those things.  Also, sadly, I haven't really been all that committed to the gym or to planning my meals and eating healthily.  I guess, basically, it's safe to say that I don't really have my shit together at the moment.

What have I been doing?  I've been working on being less stressed and feeling like I always have something that needs to get done.  I've been making an effort to be more present with the ones that matter, my husband for example.  I've been trying my best to remember how much I have to be grateful for and not worry so much about what's missing.

What's next?  Well, my sub par gym attendance is making me feel a little squishy, which I'm not all that down with.  So that needs to change.  I'm also getting pretty jelly of everyone's progress pictures and flexbreaks.  So I might be taking a break, but I know good and well what I want.  And in case you don't know me all that well…I always get what I want (I mean that in the least psychotic way possible).

I'll be back in a minute.  With bells on.