WIW + The Difference a Year Makes

Ahhhh Weigh in Wednesday!  This has become my 2nd favorite weekday.  Friday will always be in 1st place due to its high alcohol content!

So, not to toot my own horn or anything (ok I'm tooting) but I feel really fucking good about this past week.  Last week's gain due to being sick really lit a fire under my ass.  Since last Wednesday I didn't miss a single day at the gym – even went on Saturday AND Sunday, which I never do!  I did my usual two-a-day workouts on Monday and Tuesday and I'm happy to say that I made the scale my bitch this week.  Down 3.5 lbs!  Typically that would horrify me, too much too much, but I worked my ass off and I didn't indulge in wild animal meats last Saturday (tempting, I know).  That brings my Biggest Loser Contest total to -10.8 lbs, since January 9th.

155.  Holy shit.  That's down 30 lbs since I grew a big enough pair of balls to step on a scale last year.  In case you're not good at math, I tipped the scales at 185 last Summer.  I'm convinced I was closer to 200 but the scale was way too horrifying at that point.

What a difference a year makes.  This time last year I was stressing the hell out, dealing with dog surgeries, a new job that I felt like I looked frumpy for EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  I was not even close to being in a happy place and I can't imagine what would have happened if I kept going down that unhappy road.  Worrying my (fat) ass off about every little thing, trying to control every aspect of my life and other people's.  I was eating and drinking with reckless abandon and not caring about how it affected my body.  Not caring about the way I looked to the extent where people that cared about me made comments.

Left: I had just finished a piece of cake. Right: I found my jaw bone!

I wonder where I'll be at this point in time next year.  It's such a good feeling to have no idea and be perfectly ok with it!  Ok ok I'm done blowing sunshine up your ass.  Happy hump day!  Only 2ish more days til Friday and I will be TGIF'ing my ass off.  Saturday consists of a wine tour day and a big city bachelorette party (<-- not my style).  I'll be instagramming the shit out of my weekend, so follow a bitch.  I also have an outfit planned for Saturday that the hubs said, "Dang. Those look painted on. You get a running start to get in those things?"  Stay tuned.

Outfit of the day!

Happy hump day!

Squirrel + Spanish

"I love Mondays!" said no one ever.  Hope y'all had a nice little weekend.  Make it to Home Depot?  Maybe Bed Bath & Beyond?  I don't know if you had enough time.

Personally my weekend was a pretty absurd culture clash.  First, let me tell you a little bit about my husband.  I'm not entirely convinced that the song "Simple Man" wasn't written specifically about him.  He's a good ol' country boy.  He's made me a lot more aware of nature and adventures and the simplicities of life.  He's also (in the most endearing way I can say it) a huge redneck.  I always think of this song, particularly the lyrics below:

They never understand
why their princess falls
For some camouflage britches
and a southern boy drawl

I'll tell you why, because he looks damn good in camo and his southern boy drawl is sexy.  Let me also give the disclaimer that I did not grow up in the city, my parents did not buy me a car after graduation and I sure as shit did not get a law degree.

Well, my wild-eyed boy with a farmer's tan is a member at our local gun club and Saturday night those sumbitches put on their annual Wild Game Feed.  "What in the fuck is that?" you might ask.  All of the food prepared is made from animals that members have caught, trapped, or hunted.  I'll admit, it sounds more disgusting than it was, we actually had a really good time despite the fact that we were the youngest couple there.  And the weirdest thing they had was "Squirrel Pot Pie" (photographic evidence below) and it wasn't bad!  Nor was it the first time I ate squirrel.  I will say that the rabbit was fucking disgusting and the pheasant enchiladas were delicious.

 Now that you think I'm a huge wild-animal-eating redneck mountain mama, let's change gears.  On Sunday I went to a play, yes, in a theatre.  To add to the shock value of my play attendance, it was a hispanic theatre!  I actually spoke Spanish before I spoke English and am bilingual as a motherfucker.  My mom is from Puerto Rico and my dad is from Venezuela.  So they invited me to this play that my mom's good friend was acting in.  It was a nice change of pace and it forced me to do some listening in a language I don't get much of these days.  It helped that we went and got a drink and some appetizers afterward.

I also got the gym in TWICE this weekend, which I don't typically do, but I'm really hoping to make this week's weigh-in my bitch.  2-a-day Monday and Tuesday should help the cause!  Tonight's hot yoga and tomorrow's body pump, bring it.

Have a great Monday and I hope your weekend wasn't as much of a cultural conundrum as mine!

Throwin' it Back

One day away, hurry up Friday, I need a damn drink.  Also, I didn't wear a thong today for the first time in a while (shutup it's laundry day) and I'm hating this regular underwear thing.  Ain't nobody got time for underwear lines! I could use like 6 more cups of coffee too.  Ahh, ok, I'm all done bitching.

Throw back Thursday.  Ahhhhh the college days.  So simple.  I went to a small school where everybody was stoned knew everybody.  A chunk of people from my high school went there too, but no one I was particularly good friends with.  My freshman year was, like it was for most, the sloppy one.  But damn that sloppy shit was a good time. My diet consisted mostly of Natural Light ($8.99 for a 24, yes please) and dining hall food.  Which obviously made me invincible.  I was single my entire freshman year, hence the shenanigans we got into and my choices in clothing.

Insert kinky comments here.

Best. Shirt. Ever. "Idaho? No, Udaho!"

A proud moment.

The first weekend of sophomore year.  My friends and I got all hammered up dressed up and headed to a house party at the frisbee house (told ya, hippies).  I ran into this sexy guy from my freshman english class who had lived in my dorm.  He had his eyebrow pierced (ha!) and this adorable curly hair.  So naturally I pulled my signature move and held his hand while we stood and talked (I have so much game it's not even funny).  He told me about his car and I investigated whether or not he had that V muscle (you know the one, and yes, he did).

We were starting to get all kinds of friendly and then the motherfucking cops came!  The bastards!  I was pissed.  But sexy V curly haired eyebrow guy kept holding my hand and we ran from the cops together (mom and dad are so proud of their little girl at this point) with a group of my friends.  One of my friends lost her shoe in a swamp and he went back and got it for her, what a gentleman.  We ended up going to one of my friend's apartments for a little while before he walked me back to campus and we watched a movie in my dorm made out like a bunch of crazies.  Save the Last Dance may or may not have been on in the background.  The next day I had a note on my dry erase board with his #, swoon.  I called him and we ended up meeting up at a party the next night.  And yeah, I went home with him.  And yeah, I was drunk.  Get your panties out of a bunch, the craziest thing that happened was that I threw up on my own shirt and had to do the walk of shame in his tshirt. 

He's come to find my vomiting to be pretty commonplace.

Check out that eyebrow and those sideburns!

Happy Throwback Thursday!

Backwards Progress + What I Didn't Do

Happy hump day!  I'd love to start this off by saying that my scale is a lying whore, but I can't, she's an honest whore and I hate her this week.  Ironically enough the word of the week for my Biggest Loser contest is "Progress."  Sonofabitch.  Backwards progress or is it backward progress, fuck if I know.  I'm up 1.3 pounds which sucks a big one.  Surprisingly enough, I'm not mad at myself because I know what I didn't do and I know why no loss this week.  So I'll just take this as a challenge to make next week my bitch.  In my defense I was out of town this past weekend AND came back home on Sunday with a cold that kept me from gymming on Monday and Tuesday (my two best gym days!).

Word of the week shoulda been horseshit.

Also, I figured this would be a good opportunity to give you a little glimpse into what I have been doing/eating, which has seems to be working quite well for me.  Plus, a few of you have asked in comments and I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your ass!

So, exercise wise, here's what I try to follow:

Monday
5:30am gym, 30 minutes on the elliptical, biceps + back
6:15pm one hour of hot yoga (to the sweat drop down my balls boobs)

Tuesday
5:30am gym, 30 minutes elliptical, triceps + chest
5:30pm body pump w/ my bff, typically ending in spaghetti arms/legs

Wednesday
5:30am gym, 30 minutes elliptical, shoulders + abs

Thursday
5:30am gym, 30 minutes elliptical, legs legs legs

Friday
5:30am gym, 45-60 minutes elliptical only

Now when I say try, I mean try.  If I don't have time I don't have time, I'm not gonna stress over it.  I figure if I'm there I'm doing better than if I'm not there.  When it comes to food I'm as mindful as I can be.  It's a huge help that my husband is a healthy guy, which means we typically don't have a house full of crap.

Breakfast
8 oz of 1% milk
1 scoop of Muscle Milk ("Ma! Where's my protein?!" Don't know whatthefuckI'mtalkingabout? Google that shit.)
Daily vitamin
Folic Acid (pre-baby baby)

Lunch
This is an iffy one, but it usually consists of a yogurt, some kinda grain (brown rice or a sandwich thin), some kinda fruit, and a granola bar of sorts.  Today's lunch is complete with 2 "Ones" (aka prunes haha).  Why some marketing mastermind didn't put them in double packs and call them "Twos" is beyond me, woulda been fucking brilliant.  Either way, I'm eating two of those bastards.







Dinner
Once again, I luck out by the fact that my husband is a healthy eater.  It's not always the same, but usually consists of a lean meat (fish, chicken, tuna, venison) and some veggies.  I try to avoid carbs with dinner.  And I rarely have dessert, but if I'm craving it I'll something like granny smith apple slices and then shoot peanut butter spiderwebs all over that thang.

Now I just have to do all the shit I outlined above in such a detailed manner and not fuck up next week when weigh in time rolls around.  If I gain again next week you have my full permission to punch me, straight shot, right to the babymaker.

Outfit of the day!

Happy hump!

Hiker's High?

So, last week I mentioned that I was going out of town over the weekend.  My husband and I went down to Virginia (or as they call it, "God's country") this weekend to visit his family and do some relaxing.  Let me tell you a little bit about the massive contrast between our upbringings.  To put it simply, he grew up outside and I grew up inside.  Until we started dating I had never camped, canoed, hiked, fished, sat around a campfire or used an outhouse.  Well, I've gotten pretty decent at all of those things over the years but I've always been the one that can't quite keep up.  Always tired, always opting to take the shorter route, always saying I don't have enough energy.

Around this same time last year we went on a similar (more strenuous) hike.  I brought my camera and I started out with the best of intentions.  I kept having to stop and rest and about halfway up I literally had to sit down.  There was no bench, I just sat in the dirt to the side of the trail.  I felt like a total sack of shit.  The other people I was hiking with stopped, despite the fact that I told them to keep going.  I sat there, red faced, breathing heavy and feeling totally defeated.  I felt like my husband was ashamed of me and I wanted the whole experience to be over.  And after that hike we went to a restaurant where I specifically remember ordering nachos AS MY MEAL.  Because after a defeat like that, what better to do than comfort myself with a plate full of garbage, right?  Wrong.  I remember feeling horrible and being disappointed in myself.

2012 vs. 2013

This weekend was a complete 180!  It was a very similar situation, literally a year later.  As always I start these hikes with no idea what to expect.  We started off and I kept thinking it was only a matter of time until I got tired or my legs started hurting.  For once I was wrong!  I kept trucking along and holy shit I was actually enjoying myself.  We passed a bench and I didn't even want to sit down, what the fuck?  Who am I?  Benches used to be my bff's on hikes!  We were going back and forth on these switchbacks and kept getting these amazing views of this waterfall.  It.  Was.  Awesome.  You runners (I'm not one) always talk about the runner's high you've experienced and I'm wondering if there's such thing as hiker's high?  At one point during the hike my husband turned around and said, "You look so hot."  And I was all, you bet your ass I do, and I don't even feel like I have throw up right now!

I never thought I'd feel this way, but I feel like I conquered a huge obstacle (not for anyone else, but for me).  I love the fact that a hike isn't something I'll dread next time, but it's actually something I'll look forward to.  It makes me want to think about what other things used to be challenging for me and might not be anymore if I were to try them again.  What can I do better?  What can I change?  What can I enjoy now that I used to think I couldn't?  Think about it.  I feel like all of these little triumphs are what make us want to keep improving.

Happy Monday!

Love Day + Champagne

Happy Friday you flower-loving hookers.  I didn't get any (flowers) but I might as well have based on the insane amount of flower pics that were posted on instagram.  Thanks for those.  What did I get for Vday?  Well, like I mentioned the other day, my husband told me to schedule a massage as my gift.  So I'm gonna time that one for a weekend where I think I'll really need it.  I'm super pumped!  He was also super sweet and brought me coffee in bed, sigh.  I also may or may not have gotten my Vday wish (see below).

Swoon. He's such a good sport.

Since we first started dating (in college) we've been pretty big fans of cooking a baller dinner at home, so we kept the tradition this year.  A little surf & turf action went down.  Everything was on sale and turned out delicious…win/win!  I may have some OCD tendencies when it comes to food presentation, or so I'm told by my partner in HH crime ;)  Whatever, I just like to make my shit look good!  And don't judge me for the amount of pictures I take of my food, especially when it's pretty.  I also felt the need to drink a little bit bottle of champagne.  Don't worry, I put strawberries in it so it was really healthy, pretty much like a fruit salad.  I may have gotten slightly intoxicated drunk.  My tolerance is stupid low since I haven't been drinking much lately.  We had dinner then lounged around and watched a couple episodes of Duck Dynasty, happy happy happy.

OCD? Noooo.

The aftermath.

My husband went to sleep around 9:30 and I stayed up to do some freelance work for my favorite client.  Of course I was extremely productive passed out at 10 and woke up at midnight with nothing completed (I did manage to keep my pants on though).  Luckily when I woke up at midnight I had sobered up nicely and had my work done by 12:30.  I felt like I got hit by a champagne train when my asshole alarm went off at 4:30.  I did still manage to get to the gym despite the fact that I felt like I was gonna vom all over the elliptical.  Thank goodness it's (Flannel) Friday!

Going down to visit the hubs' family this weekend.  Looking forward to some relaxing, a nice hike and some good company!  Should be a nice little weekend!  Hopefully I can be mindful of my eating/drinking, uhhh yeah, we'll see how that goes.

I'd say it was a pretty successful Vday!  How was yours?  Have a great weekend!!

Oh Snap!

Happy hump day bitches!  So I'm in week 5 (I think) of the MLFC Biggest Loser Contest.  I needed a little extra motivation and accountability so I figured I'd join.  It's been awesome!  Everyone's super supportive and a friendly competition never hurt anyone.

So last week I keek'd (that sounds dirty) about the shit-eating grin I had on my face after losing 2 pounds and finally getting into the 150's!  Well, this week's shit-eating grin is even bigger.  I'm down 2.4 lbs from last week.  I'm not gonna lie, despite my hard work the past week I thought for sure that the cupcake and Five Guys I consumed would be the death of me.  Son of a bitch now I'm thinking about a little cheeseburger from Five Guys and these mysterious cajun fries I recently learned about that I'm fairly sure they don't have at the ones by my house.  In other news, I'm craving Mexican food like it's nobody's business.

Shit-eating grin. Told ya.

I love minty things.

So tomorrow's Valentine's Day and I would love nothing more than a nice romantic quiet evening for my husband to dress like a lumberjacked out Ryan Gosling and have his way with me.  Try to tell me that doesn't sound amazing and I'll tell you you're a damn liar.  But seriously I think we're cooking dinner at home and celebrating steak & blowjob day a month early.  We don't really do gifts, but I've been told to schedule a massage and you bet your ass I'll take him up on that!  I think I might try deep tissue, like hurts so good style, and see how I like it.

I WILL post a picture of the hubs in this outfit.

Have an awesome Wednesday!  And thanks to those of you that leave comments and provide awesome support for my little hatchling blog!  Y'all are super encouraging!!

Motivation

So for as long as I can remember I've been motivated by anger.  That shit lights a fire under me and I feel like I have no choice but to succeed.  When I was a kid my dad would get into arguments with me on purpose before soccer games because when I was angry I'd play better.  Which was hilarious because I was a chunky kid with a fro and sports goggles (stay tuned for a #tbt post on that).  Can you imagine that much angry awkward coming your way in a soccer game when you're like 11.  Looking back I probably scared the hell outta some girls.  Sorry about that.

Anger in my professional life does the same thing for me.  Tell me I can't do something or that I'm doing something wrong and I will prove your ass wrong.  I'll do it right and do it on time.  Whatever "it" is, I'll make "it" my bitch.

What did it take for me to get serious about losing weight?  Well, I can tell you what didn't.  Looking back, I didn't seem to mind that I was tired all the time.  I would come home from work at my desk job and change into sweatpants and a sweatshirt (affectionately referred to as my "house coat" by my dear husband) and crash on the couch for the rest of the night.  Literally, entire days where the most strenuous thing I did was walk to and from my car.  I didn't seem to mind that I kept having to buy clothes because I was overflowing out of what I owned and felt horribly uncomfortable in it.  I didn't seem too bothered by the fact that I couldn't go on a hike with a group of friends without having to stop part of the way through and sit down because my fat ass felt like I was gonna pass out.  I ignored the hints (sometimes subtle, sometimes not so subtle) from my loved ones.  Red flag after red flag, I just turned the other cheek (a cheek that, at the time, was probably filled with a cookie).

2012 Chin Count: 2 vs 2013 Chin Count: 1

Eventually I started to realize how self conscious I was, how sad I was and fuck (!!!) how fat I was!  I got angry at the fact that what I did to myself was keeping me from enjoying my life, my family, my friends and most of all myself.  I got angry at the fact that no matter how many cute outfits I pinned on Pinterest, I'd always feel disgusting in them if I actually tried them on.  I started reading blogs about people who had been through much of the same and little by little that anger made something inside me snap.  Why'd it take so long?  I'm not sure.  But last Summer I started loving myself instead of hating myself.  I realized that I could do something about this "thing" that had made me, well, not myself anymore.  Denial is a powerful little thing, dammit.

So I joined my arch enemy the gym.  I bought workout clothes that actually fit me, cough cough XL's and more. I made playlists, I joined fitness groups online, I started talking about it, I set goals, I set a routine.  For once, I wasn't motivated by anger, I was motivated by my potential and by the the good things to come.  I'm motivated by the fact that we're going on a hike this weekend and I'm not horrified (I'll report back on that).  I'm motivated by the fact that I have more happy days than sad days, the fact that I can feel cute in an outfit, the fact that people want to be around me!  I'm motivated to start a family (at a healthy weight) and set an example for my future (obviously adorable and curly-haired) kids.  I'm motivated by someone saying, "I'm proud of you!" and by wanting to tell them (without sounding like a total self-absorbed bitch) that I'm proud of me too.

What motivates you?

Womp Womp + Weekend Recap

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays.  Every Monday.  But at least this one has me coming back from a relaxing weekend!  I tried to make gym my bitch this morning and failed miserably.  I have this ridiculous pain on the inside of my right leg, between my calf and my ankle, that hurts like a motherfucker when I run.  So I gave it a try this morning and it was a suck fest.  I ended up doing legs for a bit afterward but I just wasn't feeling it.  Hopefully I can redeem myself at hot yoga tonight (where I do, in fact, sweat profusely).  For now I'm just one little pissed off debbie downer.  Deal with it.

Saturday morning was spent with the hubs getting breakfast and cashing in some copper.  Lucky for me he was pretty generous with his winnings and got me a new outfit at Target!  He offered – so I found some things I liked.  By things I mean everything but my underwear was new.  Shirt, cardigan, pants, belt and shoes (thanks dear).  After that I headed home and got ready for a family friend's baby shower.  I headed down to pickup my mom and we rode down together.  Does anyone actually have fun at these events?  I think I reached my "aww" quota about 18 seconds into the present opening.  Would've been slightly better had I been able to drink a bottle glass of wine to give me a case of the Idon'tgiveashits.  The highlights included watching the mom-to-be (who is a dear friend of mine) try not to laugh when everyone said she was huge and went for the stomach touch AND highlight #2 was the cupcake that I shoved into my mouth hole, mostly because I was jealous.  Shh, don't tell anyone.  I want babies.

Mom and I. Disappointingly sober.

Sunday was mostly spent working, but I managed to take a break and spend some time with my all-time favorites.  The hubs and I took our dogs Mack and Mini on a little hike.  Mack loves to swim and Mini loves to get muddy so it was an overall successful trip.  We came home and they passed out for the remainder of the day.  Well worth it! Then headed to a friend's house for dinner.  It was a nice little Sunday.

In other news – I was just given details on a friend's bachelorette party.  One that costs more doll hairs than I have, is an overnighter and I'm already freaking out because I have no idea what to wear.  I'm more of a beer and wings type than a night on the town type.  Fuckme, don't tell me this is an occasion that calls for heels!  Better buy some and start wearing them around the house for practice.  No seriously.

Hope your weekend was a good one!  And hope your Monday doesn't suck a big D.