Bachelorette Weekend Recap

I'm still recovering from this weekend's festivities due to my old age. Good times were had by all and I don't exactly have a voice left (fuckin karaoke, I'm a sucker for singing along). So I went to a friend's bachelorette party for an all day event on Saturday. My ass woke up at 4:45 (damn dogs) and I ended up staying up to shower and get ready for my 7:45am departure. I needed to be at a friend's place by 8:30 and ready to leave the hotel on the shuttle by 10am. I'm a morning person as it is and I had 3 shots of espresso so I was holding up alright all jacked up.

First stop was a vineyard in the woods – pretty badass building with a lot of wood and rock, because who doesn't like drinking in the woods? After surviving the roller coaster sauna shuttle ride without projectile vomiting on the bride-to-be we settled into a tasting. I succeeded in embarrassing our semi-attractive tasting guy (that's what he was officially called) by asking him if his wine knowledge helped him get girls. He dodged the question and I'm thinking it was because his sexy wine knowledge was cancelled out by his fashion sense. We scored an awesome spot by the fireplace where I took way too many selfies (see instagram). Multiple bottles of wine and a shit load of cheez-its later I scored some chocolate covered strawberries from the grown-ups next to us. They brought some fancy food instead of our light fare of cheez-its, oreos and doritos (classy bitches). Onto the next one.

Phallic monuments. Appropriate.

Welcome to Paradise!

Wine + Cheez = classy!

Once again, I was able to keep from vomiting in our nascar shuttle, 10 points! Vineyard #2 was called Naked Mountain, which made me chuckle like a child and forced me to buy a shirt. Crazy nice views and a couple of meat and cheese trays chased down a few more bottles of wine. Did I mention I love daydrinking? I passed out took a nap on the way back to the hotel and was ready for round two!

Just one of the many reasons I liked this place.

After sipping some champagne and slipping into something more comfortable slutty we went out for dinner and drinks. Post dinner, it was cold as shit and we didn't want to walk super far so we went to Larry's Lounge across the street. We were enticed by the neon rainbow sign. We got stared at for a good while because all the Larries thought we had walked in by mistake. We befriended a couple guys, one of which was wearing a cologne called Sex Bomb that smelled like heaven and, well, sex. Next stop, we met our new friends at the friendly neighborhood gay karaoke bar. Confession: I had never done karaoke, not even in a group setting. Next confession: I still don't think I've done karaoke, because we sucked, so I'll have to try again. Last confession: I enjoy rapping in my free time.

I think I ended up sobering up eventually, but not after sending some promiscuous texts to some of my favorite people. I managed not to eat it while wearing heels AND managed not to lose my pants. I think it's because those bastards were so tight that it would've taken some assistance to remove them. I'm sure I left out some details, but when you start drinking at 11:30am and stay out til last call I can pretty much guarantee that parts of the day will be forgotten. We'll see how these shenanigans affect Wednesday's weigh-in. In my defense, I did go to the gym this morning (despite staying up stupid late again last night)! Yesterday my voiceless, makeupless, lifeless body befriended the couch and we lived happily ever after. So worth it! Congrats Liz!

Happy Monday!