Happy hump day! It was a nice little week, complete with two-a-day workouts on Monday and Tuesday to get my week off started right. Apparently those paid off because I'm down another 2.2 lbs this week! I want the 140's like I want one of the Ryans (Gosling or Reynolds, I'm not picky) to say my name.
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| Ignore my unpainted sausage toes, bitch. |
Despite this morning's scale cooperation, I woke up ridiculously fucking grumpy and got in a sweet fight with my roommate (that's what I call the hubs when we're fighting). I did get up and go to the gym, which always helps, but I'm just not feeling today.
I'm asking a lot of questions in here. Out loud. To no one. They're rhetorical. Just ignore the gratuitous use of question marks.
You know how one shitty thought leads to another, and another, and yes...another? Well this crap morning has had me asking myself, "How the fuck do you think you're gonna be a mom if you feel like you can't get your own shit together?" And I ask myself that, often. My roommate (yep) and I have talked about trying to start a family this
summer and while I'm ecstatic about it I can't help but doubt my "mommy
skills." I went from doing everything for him (because I needed to make up for having "let go" of course) to doing everything for ME (and loving it, I might add). What's gonna happen when it's not all for me anymore? Will I bet upset or resentful if I can't make it to the gym or if I can't have my much needed once-a-week HHH?
The way things are now I'm overwhelmed, I'm stressed, I feel like I'm stretched paper thin. I go to work, I work out, I do freelance work, I cook, I clean (those last two might be debatable with my roomy. our house is filthy). How in the fuck does anyone have time to add something to that list?!?! Oh yeah, in addition to all those things, I mother. Then holy shit when there are multiples?! And what about when the kids outnumber the parents?! Our preferred kid # is between 2 and 3 so the possibility of being outnumbered is
high horrifying.
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| Babies are the same as dogs, right? |
It's normal to be terrified about this, right? My "mommy skills" would take over and everything would fall into place, right? I keep telling myself that my new found happiness and energy will keep me active when the time for kids comes. And maybe it will, but what if there's just no time? Oh and did I mention I'm a planner/worrier/etc?
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| Outfit of the day. Real brown. But I'm down. |
In other news, check out the sweet blog blockage at a friend's workplace. I consider this one a fuckin success!
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| Winning. Sorry you have to read on your phone buddy. |
I need a drink. Happy hump day.
Have a drink or make that two or three :-) these things will fall into place, you will amaze yourself on how easy it can be when the time comes!!! It will still be stressful at times but that's life. There are days you won't make it to the gym but when things like that are important to you they get done!!
ReplyDeleteTara,
ReplyDeleteI totally feel you! We were in talks about planning to start "trying" in june...And just this morning I had a panic attack thinking about having to plan when I would be able to go to the gym, there is NO way I am going without the gym...It makes it easier to be around me! And cuz I dont trust strange hands @the gym's daycare on my future kids, we'll have to schedule who goes when. But I am right there with you...where does it all fit in!??? Do they offer a class for this?!! haha! They sooo should!
But the best advice I have ever gotten on it was to take it day by day. Even though we are planners/worriers...umm I live by my hour to hour schedule (thanks to work) I have adapted it in my personal life. Im like the worst worry wort! And Jeremy is soo not..he's so care free(I wish I could be like that) But we have to just slow down and enjoy it and take it moment by moment. It will all work out. And your mommy skills will kick in! I have an 8yr old step son and he LOVES me. I met Jeremy when Brayden was 6...never had a kid in my car, or my house or had to cook for a kid before(except for the occasional 3-4 hour babysitting)But I managed, and it all worked out.
But seriously your kids will love you no matter what! And you'll be a great momma! Just take a minute, breathe count to 20 and you got it! You're doing great!!!
journeywithceceisme.blogspot.com
OMG YAYYYYYYYYYYY ON THE WEIGHT LOSS! I am so jealous because you are where I want to be right now dammit! I feel you on being a Mom but I promise you those feelings will go away once you become one!!! You will make one hella MILF! I hate starting my mornings out like that, those dogs are presh, and high five for being blocked!
ReplyDeleteHere's the deal...I'm going to give it to you straight. You will have moments of stellar mothering and moments of craptastic mothing...usually separated by mere seconds. But you make it work. Some days your house is an utter disaster and you have pb&j's for dinner. Some days your only goal is to keep everyone alive. But other days you manage to spend a day being productive and an awesome mom. Those days usually out weigh the bad. Having a baby(ies) is tough. Its a huge adjustment, puts a strain on your marriage like you've never known, and at times is heart breaking. But the benefits far outweigh the bad and you make it. You adjust, your marriage adjusts and your heart is forever changed. You survive. You'll find the time for all the things that are important to you (like working out and being healthy). Just look at mama laughlin and skinny meg. They make it work! Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteYes, that is so normal! It all just falls into place and your figure it out as you go. Just like when you add on a new bill, like a car payment, you think there is no way you can afford it. Yet it ends up working out somehow. Before you start, make sure you are wanting to start a family for the right reasons AND that you are truly, truly ready. One regret I have is not keeping my workout routine after I had my babies and could workout again. It might be scaled back than what you can do now, but a couple days a week is better than nothing, which is what happened to me. :( You are being realistic in your thoughts, and that is not a bad thing! Hang in there, you can do it when it's time.
ReplyDeleteI told you that you were getting skinnier by the day! congrats!
ReplyDeleteAt least you have a nice name for your hubs when you are mad at him, I call mine "asshole" or "master d.h." and the dh isn't for dear husband. ;)
Being a mom just comes to with the territory. I'm sure you will be great at it. Don't worry too much, you'll be fine. It is definitely hard to juggle all the tasks but you'll figure it out. Keep your chin up, girl!
I completely echo what Jen already said. However, being a planner will help you (I am not a planner at all, yet I manage somehow). You just have to carve some time out for yourself. Sure, you may not be able to get to the gym every morning, but it will be okay. Good luck in whatever you decide and congrats on the loss!
ReplyDeleteKick ass weight loss!! The 140's called, they said they will be seeing you SOON!! =) So about the kid thing, I have 2 boys, 3 years a part. I can tell you that you will NEVER be 100% ready to have kids, you just won't ... there will always be "something" that will tell to you to wait. You just have to decide if it is something you want more than anything. Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done but at the same time it is the most rewarding. I can have the shittiest day ever but coming home to those little hellions can make it all better with a simple hug or a random "I love you mommy" (those are the best!) ... It does put a damper on the "partying" but to be honest I am getting too old for that shit anyways! ... I think you will be a great mom, the fact that your actually thinking it all out and not just jumping right into shows that you really care about this and you want it to all be right and at the right time for you and your "roommate" =) ... Oh and you have the roommate to help you so you should always still have some "you" time in there somewhere =) You just have to make that happen! You will do great =)
ReplyDeleteI just nominated you for a Liebster award! Go to my blog for more info (I hope you haven't been nominated yet!!).
ReplyDeletewww.loveandcrayons.com
From a mom I can tell you, no one knows what the hell they are doing. You figure it out as you go along and fake it till you make it. No one can ever truly be "ready" to have kids and have a "plan". It just doesn't work that way. Kiddos challenge you in a different way everyday (and sometimes multiple times a day). But you adapt, you learn as you go and you rock it like you rock everything else! Good luck lady!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you're saying. I love "me time", what can I say, I'm selfish. I have a 16 month old and I definitely don't get as much alone time as I would like but it is worth it, it's beyond anything I could describe. I'll be honest, the first 6 months or so are tiring, to say the least. Everything you do is about the baby. Your body doesn't even belong to you anymore (if you chose to breastfeed) but it is beyond worth it. I would (and plan to) do it again, it's the best thing I ever did.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, I hand her off to my husband & go watch Bravo with a glass...ok half bottle...ok bottle of wine in the basement some days when I need "me time" but you will find that you would rather be with your baby, snuggling, loving, kissing that little angel than you will want to be alone.
I'm lazy so I don't go to the gym, I do Jillian Michaels workout DVDs (which fucking hurt) but if you wake up early enough, the baby would probably never even know you were gone & then your roommate could wake up at 7am to take care of him/her.
You'll be fine, you figure it out as you go!!
hey buuuuddy! Let me share the one fact that has made me stress less about becoming a mom in a few weeks. No one has a f-ing clue what they are doing when they start the process. No one is born knowing how to be a mom, and no manuals exist for how to do it right. We all just wing it and hope that the kids turn out right. You're and Ben are an amazing couple and that will take you far. Plus you've had practice with your 2 little pups! I think you just end up making compromises, and sharing baby duty with your hubby and family so that you can have 20 minutes, one hours, 4 hours of "you" time. Then you spend that doing whatever it is you need- gym, happy hour, or just sitting in your room alone to have some peace and quiet. Thats our plan and we are sticking to it. I'm not going to lie, we still have days when we think, "how the hell are we going to manage," but then you remember that plenty of people have done it before us, and we're better prepared than a lot of them. And its too late to turn back now!! I have no doubts that you two will be great at it, and I, for one, am looking forward to the day you expand your family!
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