Makes Ya Think

One of the greatest things about starting this blog (almost a year ago) has been the new friends I've made!  Like minded friends that I didn't think I'd make at this stage in my life.  And today I get to introduce you to one of them!  I met Kristen via instagram when she was offering samples of some of her Advocare products (shameless plug, you're welcome).  We started emailing back and forth and found out that we're pretty damn similar and got along super well!  Then, this past fall, I was lucky enough to meet the little Texas native when I flew down.  She's exactly as sweet as she seems and has one of the kindest hearts out there.  

She had some thoughts she thought needed sharing and after she sent them over I couldn't agree more!  So give it a read and let it leave you thinking just a little differently than when you started, because that's what it did for me!

**************************************

“I love your shirt!”

“You have great fashion sense!”

Which one of these sounds more like something you would say to someone? Which one of these would you rather have someone say to YOU?

The answers for me, and probably many of you, are that I usually SAY the first one... but I would rather HEAR the second one.

What’s the difference, you might ask? A compliment versus an affirmation.

A compliment is defined as: “a polite expression of praise or admiration.” Synonyms: accolade, pat on the back.

An affirmation is defined as: “emotional support or encouragement.” Synonyms: declaration, oath(!!)

The difference goes beyond the simple definitions (although, I will say that the word ‘oath’ struck me, especially as I was writing this while sitting in the courthouse for jury duty!). It’s about the root of the statement and the underlying sentiments.

When I think about compliments, many of the statements that come to mind begin with “I” and are typically a comment on someone’s external appearance or a surface level trait. When you say, “I love your shirt!” did you really think about the person you just complimented or simply about their shirt? Chances are... the latter. Could you have just as easily said this same thing to a random stranger you walked by on the street? Yes.

An affirmation is more meaningful and sincere. It contains an emotional component that requires in-depth knowledge of a person and demonstrates that you have put genuine thought into your statement. “You have great fashion sense!” Sure this doesn’t seem all that ‘deep’ but it shows that you’ve noticed that someone is interested in fashion and put effort into looking nice. It’s a comment on an inward characteristic. It signals that you have made a sub-surface level assessment about someone’s internal qualities and not just about something that they may have acquired or done. There is often distinction is in the word YOU. This implies that the message is about the receiver, rather than the speaker. 

This is not to say that compliments don’t ever include the word ‘you,’ because they sometimes do... but let me show you the difference. Here’s an example that many of us can relate to... both statements contain YOU, but I only consider one of them an affirmation:

“You look great! You have lost a lot of weight!”

“Your dedication to the gym and eating healthy are really inspiring and are paying off!”

The first one is a blatant comment on external appearance (which, frankly, I sometimes find almost offensive, rather than complimentary....) while the second shows that you acknowledge and affirm their dedication and hard work, character traits. Which one of these would make YOU feel better?

My mom (who is the most amazing woman I know, btw) has always told me: “It’s what’s on the inside that counts!” So, while the outside appearance may be a result of the inward characteristics and be deserving of a compliment, let’s make a conscious effort to change a few simple words and AFFIRM what’s on the inside. It’s a tiny modification for us, but a huge difference for the recipient! 

It’s not a proven fact or anything, but the best recipient for an affirmation is yourself!