I was at the parents' house the other day and looked around for some old pictures. I came across these few and couldn't help but laugh my ass off. Ok first off, who the fuck gets pink eye in both eyes, wears a boys shirt and lets their hair grow into a damn pyramid head…this girl. Meet Tara at age (probably) 14/15, you can laugh, I did.
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| Seriously, both eyes, what the fuck? |
Ok, I don't do this super often but I'm gonna get serious for minute. My idea of looking "good" and looking "skinny" back then was so skewed. I grew up being told I was fat by my dear brother who I love very much and I believed it for pretty much ever. I saw this picture the other day and was so grossed out and couldn't believe that I thought I was FAT! I look starved and bony and unhealthy, and I remember distinctly that the prom dress was a size 2. Since then, my mom's told me that she thought I had some kind of eating disorder, how sad is that?!
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| Not a good look. |
I honestly can't remember a time where I felt good about my body and felt content with the way I looked, until now (almost). A friend sent me an old picture and said she wanted to "look like that again" and I don't have a Tara that I want to look like again. It's a bit upsetting to me to be my age and feel like I've never been happy and confident with my body. I think I'm finally getting there. Yeah, my stomach is flabby (and yeah that motherfucker still jiggles when I brush my teeth). Yeah my legs have extra fat on them. Yeah my arms hang low and they wobble to and fro, a little. But I'm doing something about it, I'm working hard to get to the HEALTHY place I want to be, not the skinny place. I don't want to be that girl that people look at and say, "She needs to eat a cheeseburger!" I want to be the girl that eats a cheeseburger every once in a while and doesn't feel guilty because she works hard and deserves a delicious meat slab (twss) covered in cheese.
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Do you feel like your idea of "skinny" or your idea of a healthy body has changed
Excellent point. My idea has definitely changed. I've always been one of the "lucky" skinny ones (also accused of having eating disorders as a teen), but I haven't always been healthy or strong. Thanks to running and pole dancing (everyone should try it! SO fun!) in my late 20s, I'm skinny AND healthy AND strong!
ReplyDeleteRandom PS: My friend does PR for the models of Victoria Secret, and she says there is a thing as "skinny fat" and none of the Angels are skinny fat. They are thin and toned and strong. And they work their asses off. Role models, imo!
I think as we get older we realize that models and and celebrities aren't perfect and don't have perfect bodies. Our idea of what our bodies should be like changes and we mature enough to be happy with the little things:)
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more with everything you said - as usually, you rock my face off! ... ps you look super high in that first pic! ha ha ha pink eye on picture day, doesn't get much better than that =)
ReplyDeleteI also agree with you! My version of healthy was skewed back in the day too... skinny = healthy. I never felt like I achieved any version of healthy. When I look back at the 140's pictures I look healthy but never felt it, which is sad too. Guess we have to Love Ourselves enough to stop the internal criticism and start embracing our bodies.
ReplyDeleteI looked back at my senior prom picture and can't believe that I ever thought I was fat! I weighed all of 108 maybe 110 pounds and wore a 4 or 6. BUT, my "friend" weighed 100 pounds (she was an inch taller than me) and wore a 2. I beat myself up daily about how "fat" I was! One time during adulthood I weighed in at 112 pounds, and we all thought I looked emaciated (that phase lasted all of about months and I've steadily gained weight ever since!). Very skewed idea about weight and looks. I know I'm overweight now, but I am also trying to correct that. 125-130 is a good weight for my body and my frame, but I'm not overly stressed about getting there. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteFunny, because I look at my highschool pictures and I was fat! I wore a size 14 or 16 for most of high school. I can relate to never feeling good about my body though and even when I thought I didn't look TOO bad, there was always some jerk making a comment about my weight. Now as an adult, I have no interest in getting fit so my peers compliment me, I want it so I will have more energy, feel stronger, and have a little more fun shopping:) Don't you want to just give high schoolers an earful about body image and self esteem sometimes!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I love this.
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